The Power of “And”
It’s not just a three-letter word—it has power.
The word “but” can feel limiting and conditional. So can the word “if.” The word “and” can feel freeing, as though it is adding something rather than taking something away.
Holding two feelings at the same time is called emotional ambivalence—experiencing conflicting emotions simultaneously. I feel this way often, and I’m learning to be okay with that. One thing I’ve noticed is that I find myself replacing “but” with “and.”
For example:
“I am so busy having a fun summer, but I am exhausted.”
becomes
“I am so busy having a fun summer, and I feel exhausted.”
The second version feels like it gives more permission to experience two feelings at the same time. The word “but” can sometimes feel like it invalidates one feeling and asks us to choose between them.
Another example:
“I’m excited about this change, but I’m also scared and a little sad.”
Because these are conflicting feelings, I prefer to use “and.” It reminds me that it is normal, okay, and valid to have more than one experience happening in my mind and body at the same time. I don’t have to choose.
The word “if” can also feel very conditional.
“If you do your homework, you can watch TV.”
What if we said:
“You can watch TV, and your homework also needs your attention.”
This creates more openness and invites critical thinking about how to move forward rather than focusing only on compliance.
BUT, BUT, BUT… = AND, AND, AND.
How will you incorporate “and” into your day?
What ideas have worked for you?
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